Is Body Dysmorphic Disorder non-fiction or “in a movie”?

As I sit here wondering why…

What to start & how to write…

I wonder why its so hard to breathe…

I seem to suffocate in my own being…

Sometimes so happy, sometimes irie eyed…

But yet there come these strangest times…

Where eyes will glare in different ways from once sweet normal to analyze…

There are so many things I’ve grown to fear, the least to care for seems hardest to sheer…

I watch an episode Seinfeld had played, there was a girl who had 2 masks…

Sometimes so pleasant, sometimes a bit smart…

But in a way she talks too much…

Her jaw seems masculine, her eyes seem genuine…

She understands the guys, but is but feminine…

She says “GIRL POWER!?! LET’s START A RIIIOT of PEACE & LOVE & EQUALITY FOR OTHERS!!!”,

And still she feels so non-beautiful,

For many would agree and say she’s a bit dull,

But if she were to do the “surgery,”

Would some stop talking or say she gained vain mentality,

So win lose lose win, where must we stop & where shall we begin…

… Do I have BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER??!…

 i sent a song to Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein about 8-10 years ago, but there was no type of a response… but from there I learned about a mythical story… I won’t give it away just yet cuz I wanna write a comic… i always loved writing, but never thought i could do something with it and i had badluck with someone who “stole” or what some i think call “plaigiarize?,” from all my past experiences i had i learned that my true passions were writing & art among the things i call love… but that blab will come in the near future… but just for now, let’s stick with the ladder…

So since I want to express my own being…

For those to understand it might not be fiction…

Some people tell me forget about those things that i cry, yet go laugh behind my back & tell me lies…

I guess it’s okay cuz they’re just somehow telling the truth???

I do look so old, but live up my youth…

Some say i’m too tomboyish-y and that i just laugh…

For i am straight man lover don’t fake that whole “bi”…

I become so afraid when I’m out in the open…

I fear what eyes see, and what they expected…

So now can you understand my strange personality??!

Put up lost & found posters to find my lost confidenciality,

But there were no answers it must’ve gone…

Confidence went to hibernate, won’t want to wake until the day her owner’s beautiful feelings are found…

Too much expectation, too much care for others acceptance…

Hard enough to let go of the feelings when the present are exact to the reminiscent…

Her confidence once there at a young age went away for some time…

It goes on vacation when the parties aren’t quite right…

Sometimes she wonders “WILL PLASTIC SURGERY HELP?!?! TO HELP STOP WANDERING EYES FROM WANDERING OFF TO FAR”

Into negative entertainment where it seems ajar…

And so I say… sometimes the darkest shades turn into the light…

We learn from the good & bad times which are a part of that thing called life…

…But is it just BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER???! can it be real???!?

I try & try somehow to go on with my life…

28 never thought I’d be in this place, living here with the parents…

Not even able to find steady work…

Even walmart has frozen its hiring turf…

I used to have jobs that were great & dandy…

But my heart seemed to be gone & somehow went missing…

And when the reccession had made its way here…

Deborah L!@#$%^&* had created a sweatshop & wasn’t paying us there…

So i guess that’s why i had no other choice…

But to find some employer that abides by the laws…

Didn’t know employment would decline at the time…

For if i knew i would have stayed for the pennies & dimes…

I manage sometimes to financially be okay..

But then worry will come back & create weary days…

I go back forth then forth back back…

Why is it so hard to put together with act…

My parents once said “you’re smart do the math…”

“… civil engineer is a job that would be so perfect…”

And i respond with a “…but art & philanthropies are what i passionately love…”

Their response back”…hobbies they are you could never be a part of…”

“For those in entertainment are discovered & found…”

“And you our sweet dear can never be in that type of crowd…”

“For only the handsome & beautiful could be in the limelight…”

“And you our cute daughter is just not quite right…”

So the face i see when i look into the mirror…

Seems harsh to me & somehow i fear her…

For as a child i could see the most beautiful women in the world…

Yet even the most beautiful never changed me loving myself…

But as the years went by & people picked at her look & would laugh…

Those times she would love to forget but to her her own face seemed so daft…

She had let her face take control of her entire life…

For she was afraid of the day & would only be seen at night…

Too scared to be a part of the public’s actions…

She let go of her passions of fear of her face & people’s reactions…

Yet maybe things really do happen for a reason…

For without these trials she would not have words of treason…

These words she dreamed she could make into life…

For writing is the biggest love of her life…

And with hard work, dedication and a touch of patience…

My dreams can come true just need self-motivation…

I ask the truth from all of you…

Is beauty what defines this world of youth…

…I have BODY DYSMORPHIC DISORDER… IT’S REAL.

#LoVeLiFe

-Marie-Bernadette’s Bored… she talks in third person sometimes & thinks its artistic to speak in 1st & 3rd person… but really i’m just the biggest dork that loves to talk…

OFF SUBJECT KINDA: where shall i go for work, when the government can’t help companies & corporate whatever to create more jobs and health insurance to the less fortunate… for me mentally, physically, emotionally have I become imbalance… I have been on unemployment, off & on for awhile… 2 years trying to find some type of steady work everywhere & anywhere, but had gotten stepped all over without any salary… maybe it’s cuz like some say I look ugly or “scary.” or think i look like a “druggie”… it’s probably cuz really there is a definition… to be proportionate is what some people believe they need, and expect from others to feel the same… it might sound ridiculous to you what i’ve just said… but my beautiful friends seem to get the most benefit… and to some of my beautiful friends no offense to you… but how could you be an accountant when you don’t even know 1 plus 1 is 2… not 3… i hope that i will find stable work soon & i’m gonna try walmart & target again… i won’t give up this year on myself… 2 years of back & forth trying to find steady work… i’m ready to work hard once again… i’m ready to go back to college… i’m ready to make more art & music… i’m ready to finally start my eco-friendly line… i’m ready to sell my script… i’m ready to be seen by the public… i’m ready to love again… i’m ready for all the greatness 2011 has to offer… i’m ready

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