Glen Lantz

I feel ya… Insomnia killed my sleep.

Unfortunately for Glen, Freddy killed him in his sleep. R.I.P. Mr. Hot Football Jersey Midriff-Wearing Dude…

I’m such a chickenshit when it comes to scary movies. I am not afraid of life or death, but I am afraid of ghosts, goblins and ghouls. Monsters just freak me the funk out. I don’t know what it is about the imagination, but ever since I was a child I liked to imagine myself in different predicaments. Who didn’t want to be a Surf Ninja?! Or Lost Boy. Or one of the Pink Ladies. Or a Mighty Duck. Or Smurf. Or even have a real life breathing Indian in a Cupboard? I wanted to be in and experience all those adventures. The only way to do that was to use your imagination. So I did…but that’s also the reason why I’ve come to fear such frivolous issues. I had such a traumatizing nightmare that from that day on I knew that I could never watch a scary movie ever again. My imagination was sometimes too much for me to handle. I was 8 or 9 years old. I had just gotten a Play-Doh food toy set from my parents.

(not actual toy set in picture above)… It was a food Play-Doh toy set that came with shapes of a steak, a chicken leg, vegetables, etc. to make with the clay. It came with a pretend grill and had a knife, fork…and I can’t really remember if there was anything else. Anyhow, that day I played with the Play-Doh all day and that same night my brother & some friends watched Nightmare on Elm Street. I knew I didn’t want to watch it, but at the same time I knew I really wanted to watch it (…our opinions, feelings and emotions are an oxymoron at times…).

After it was over, I regretted watching it. I was so scared that I had my mom keep me company & watch t.v. in my room until I fell asleep that night. That night I wish I never fell asleep. I started to dream about my 4th grade class being on a field trip at Universal Studios.

My classmates, teacher and I were on the tram ride at Universal Studios and got to the part of the ride where the doors on both ends of the tram close & the whole King Kong part of the ride begins. But it was different this time… When the doors closed, the tour guide turned into Freddy Krueger and so did King Kong! I freaked out knowing I was in a dream/nightmare & kept pinching myself & slamming myself against the side of the tram to wake myself up…but I couldn’t. Finally Freddy Krueger gave my teacher the plastic fork & knife from my Play-Doh set and told her to stab herself in the back and that she had to pass the fork & knife back for each of us to do to ourselves. I was crying so hard in the nightmare just trying anything I possibly could to wake myself up but nothing could open my eyes. Finally when the knife got to me I held it to my spine, but wasn’t going to do anything. Then Freddy Krueger told me that if I didn’t do it myself that he was going to do it for me. So I tried to press the plastic knife against my spine and I seriously felt like I could feel a weird tickling sensation on my back literally. Not just in the dream, but in my real life. I still cannot forget that eerie feeling. It was so fuckin’ strange & bizarre that from that day on I could never watch any scary movie ever again.

Especially that song from the movie… “1-2 Freddy’s coming for you, 3-4 better lock your door, 5-6 get a crucifix, 7-8 better stay up late, 9-10 never sleep again…” I seriously hate that… Yet I can’t seem to forget it either. I’m so lame, but at the same time if that ever happened to you in a dream would you feel the same way??? Maybe? So anyhow… that’s a whole lotta nothing I’m talking about, but if we ever hang out or watch a movie, just make sure to stay away from the horror films… Unless it’s like 7 or 8 in the morning and I have all day to forget about it then I might be cool with that. Welp, hope you have sweet dreams… not nightmares.


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