Where is my mind?!


We wonder. We think. We feel. Yet we don’t know the answer or the truth as to what our mind consists of. Yeah surely science has its facts and philosophers have their theories, but in all reality where is the mind? Where is your mind? Where is my mind?

The conscious in our waking lives uses the mind to function in daily routine. Get up. Do stuff. Eat. Work. Make the day good. Hope it is of use. In addition, we have control and the power to use our minds for purpose & reasoning behind why we get up, do stuff, eat, work, make the day good and hope it is of use. Our minds on Earth seek (or not) to be of use to our individual selves and (to some) our culture & society. Where is the mind in waking lives?! Here in this universe, on this planet, for some extent.

Now the unconscious in sleep/dream state, or other, uses the mind without approval of its keeper. The mind (for most) has no control of how it will function yet continues to mobilize. It dreams of people, places and situations that might be similar as to those times in our waking lives, but at the same time can be of places, people and situations that are unknown in our awakened realities that we may have never even encountered. Sometimes we dream of things that we know of and other times we dream of things we’ve never encountered. And in those moments I wonder, where is my mind? Did it travel to places and times beyond what is known?!

Those are the infinite places that I always get lost. When I’m dreaming I don’t think too much of it and it seems too close to reality, yet when I wake up, I am bewildered. In reality I can get lost too. I try to find a map as to what direction I need to go to get from Point A to Point B, but then again, I wonder where I’m even trying to go. Where is my destiny? Where can I find reality? Where shall my imagination take me? Where does my passion for writing come from? Where does the heart seek happiness? Where lies the truth? Where can I organize my feelings? Where shall I be content? Where is my mind?

With all the questions I come to only one answer. Fuck it. Who cares. I love my mind…where ever it is.


Why I like writing…


When I was a kid and all the way up to my late teens I always wanted to be an actress. I thought it’d be so much fun to play make-believe, pretend and be part of a fictional reality where make-believe was put into a moving visual with sounds, colors and things beyond what we each imagine ourselves. A place where we can let go of our own emotions and for a moment live in a fictional yet realistic world. Then I realized I’m too shy, ugly and awkward for something like that. Good thing I realized that there’s a difference between writing & acting.

Acting is hard and I definitely don’t have the balls for such a thing. I then also realized that I wouldn’t be the one creating this fantasy. I couldn’t say to the producer, director or writer, “Oh well I think instead of her wanting to be with a ‘cool rider’…why doesn’t she just buy her own motorcycle and all the Pink Ladies ride the motorcycles and the T-Birds are their fan club…no? Damnit I quit.”

It took me some time to realize that I wanted to be a writer and also understand that I was capable of being a writer. I fuckin’ suck at proper grammar (as you can see), but I’m resourceful when it comes to “what-ifs” – “ands” – “buts” -and/or- “why nots.” I realized that although there are some specific writing jobs that require proper grammar, the writing I do doesn’t…well…maybe it does, but fuck it I’m gonna continue to write for the love of it. The biggest push in me writing is those that have inspired me to do so. There’s so many people that inspire my writing but the ones that always come to mind and that keep me wanting to push to accomplish my goals in writing are: Kurt Sutter, Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Melissa Rosenberg, Ray Bradbury, Garth Innes, Kurt Cobain, Charles Bukowski, Patti Smith, Leonard Cohen, Tina Fey, Mark Twain, Kevin Smith, Helen Keller, Larry David, Dan Brown, Martin Scorsese, Stephen King, Stanley Kubrick, David Hershkovits and Albert Einstein…really…there’s far too many people I’m a fan-geek of, but those are the ones that came to my mind immediately while typing this. This assortment of artists bring inspiration to me because their work has touched me emotionally & mentally. Their stories are beautiful. Their ideas are unique. They say things that make me go, “Oh shit, I never thought of it that way…” or, “I was thinking the same thing! I love ________…!!!” or “I wish we were best friends I love how their mind works…”

I can’t choose a specific type of writing as my favorite (although moving pictures & beautiful sounds are very therapeutic to my soul). Yet, there’s something about writing that calls to me beyond the material world. For me, there’s a difficulty in creating my own authentic puzzle of words. Like my mom always tells me, “Bern, you know you’re a Jill of all trades but a master of none…” When she tells me that I know she’s being sarcastic, but at the same time I totally agree.

There’s a science to everything and that’s what I love about humanity. We can learn & create things like each task in life is a science project. We have the freewill to do so. We can freely do things when we want, how we want or even if we don’t want to we don’t have to (sometimes). Unlike other living animals and living organisms; we as humans have cognition, cogitation and contemplation. Those are beautiful things.

The reason why I like writing is because for me, it’s the hardest mission for me to fulfill. It gives me this frustration yet motivation and I can’t help but be totally infatuated with the “what-ifs” – “ands” – “buts” -and/or- “why nots” that boggle my mind and keep me drawn to writing more & more & more. It’s my outlet in which the make-believe and the reality in my thought process bump into each other and make explosive love. I like to come up with stories or have deep philosophical conversations yet sometimes my talks with people could be too long and easily side-tracked with another subject off-topic and in the end my family and friends go, “Wait what are you talking about? I got the first part of it, but I got lost like an hour ago…” I love my friends and family for not punching me in the face for talking too long about the most strangest of things.

No matter what, if my writing never gets recognition nor gets sold, either way it doesn’t matter because why I like writing is why I like writing.

So…if you’re thinking about writing…do it…just do it.




Now get to writing…I’m talking to both you and me…okay…back to pen & paper…adios!!



Reminiscing ‘Bout That Oldschool


It’s been quite awhile since I’ve wrote anything on this live journal of mine. Sometimes I look back at the things I’ve written and think, “wow I’m lame.” Then I realize, “yes I’m lame.” And then I think, “I’m really fuckin’ okay with that.”

There’s this new place down the street that’s opened up by mine & PB’s. Like I say over and over, I’m allergic to alcohol. And like I continue to say over and over, well… the whole thing about evolution per individual is that if you’re allergic to something you take it in small doses so that your body reacts to it as an allergen; yet will eventually become accustom to it in your blood system and instead of your body rejecting it, it will eventually become immune to it.

That also goes for such things that you become allergic to as you grow older. If you start to become allergic to something, don’t worry, it could just be a phase your body’s going through.

But then again…

I’m not a doctor so I just make these assumptions up. I do some research. I see the pros & cons and then I combine it with my own theoretical questions & answers and come up with a solution.

To each is own right?! Mothafuckinaye.

Off topic…

But I always am…

If you know me, I love to dance. I don’t need to be drunk to do so (although a little Jeiger might help the eagerness to dance).


So there’s this bar that opened up down the street and the great thing about this spot is that they play fun dance music. My cousins, aka my best friends, and I have always loved dancing. Having this bar down the street helps me to not really worry about missing a day of exercise (which I don’t even remember the last time I did exercise, but one day I’ll do that cardio eating healthy thingy). I sweat it out on the dance floor on Fridays or Saturdays.

Yes I’m a dweeb, but I can’t help it.

See the thing is, I used to always wonder why people would go to bars. Especially loud ones. So you drink and can’t hear anything or anyone and you’re around complete strangers, but you’re not having any type of conversation past the point of, “hey can I get your number?” or “hey do you wanna fuck?”

That’s not always the case…

But it’s strange to me that people want to go to bars to do nothing but drink. I’m not trying to hate on that if that’s your thing because fun is defined differently by all of us, but the weird thing is is that I see the same people doing the same thing: getting wasted and accomplishing nothing with it.

But then again…

Maybe people just want to find someone to go home with. Maybe people want to find other people from the bar that like going to bars to drink and do nothing but go to the bar to drink. Maybe.

I don’t know…

I understand wanting to get a drink after a long day of work and wanting to just relax and forget about the worries and dramas that occur in life. I understand wanting to grab a drink with a friend to catch up on life or to enjoy each others company and be outdoors or out of your own home where there’s probably more work and chores to do.

I understand that…

But to do it every night?!

Well…I’d be a hipocrit if I acted like I never went to the bar. I go to the bars. Well the bar. One bar. And I’ll ocassionally have a drink or two. Talk with some friends. Laugh about nothing. Enjoy each others company. Have a deep conversation about life and how hard it is to figure out my beats in the screenplays and stories I write. Talk about gibberish because I love to talk blahblahblah and blah about it and eventually find a way to laugh about it.

I like to laugh.

But in the end, it all comes down to loving to dance. I fuckin’ love to dance. It’s funny too…the bar we go to isn’t really for people that like to twerk or get jiggy or groove or breakdance to some music. It’s more of a, ‘lets stand here and drink’. Not trying to hate on that at all, but yes…I was a Britney Spears-Nsync fan and I know all of Aaliyah’s moves.

The point is…

I don’t do drugs. I never have. Although I have a feeling people think I’m on coke or something because I dance on the dance floor like I’m Ciara’s back-up dancer even when no one else is dancing besides me and my cousin or friend.

Does ganja count?

I stopped doing that and trying to go a year without doing so or longer… My goal is to get my comic book published. Two of my screenplays passed the first draft. Film my web-series. Print my zine. And laugh a shitload everyday.

The latter goal is loosely based on what can really be accomplished… but it can be because it’s complete and just needs my ass to push it out the door.

Anyhow I’m writing this blahblahblah on my blahblahblahg because this weekend reminded me of how much I love to dance and how much I adore my friendship with my cousins and my friends who are my family.

I’m truly blessed.

…and life is the blessing in general.


Good day to all…



i REALLY had this dream…

Dreams are strange…I always have the strangest dreams…for weeks I’ll remember each one in detail…and then a week later I can’t remember anything I dreamed about at all…It’s strange…I don’t know if other people are weird like me but I hope so…I’ve had dreams about unicorns & purple rivers and drinking the water from the river and thinking it tasted like chocolate, black & white images, cartoons, fighting off inmates that have escaped with just a yo-yo, seeing a snake eat an apple and spit it out with disgust, flying & seeming to not understand how to jump back up to fly again then flying again without being able to get back down, me & pb having lunch with Larry David at a writer’s conference and giving my seat up in the front for a girl in a wheelchair, speaking to my grandma who passed many years ago at a royal table with my cousins while we watch a sword fight, talking to Kurt Cobain about life while we jam in a grass field…it’s weird how vivid some dreams could be…like some images get imprinted into my mind…as if I really was there or as if they were real places…sometimes the places are a mix of one place I’ve been to with another…I try & write most of my thoughts & dreams down in the mornings while it’s still fresh in my memory and even keep a notebook in my bed because I wake up in the middle of the night with ideas & thoughts…it’s weird…please back me up people…you dream weird too yeah???!

I usually don’t put my dreams out there on display…but this one really felt like a movie…and for the first time in my dream I really thought it was a movie…so since I haven’t wrote anything on my blahblahblah’g in a minute…I thought I’d share an intimate moment…maybe it’s a sign…I should find an agent and really get all my projects out there…there’s just notepads and stories with no one to read them or even see them and I really feel like they should be seen!!! Especially after reading my stupid hocus pocus about being a Leo/Virgo cusp…it said something about me being too secretive so I thought I would give my secret…or dream…some exposure.

I REALLY had this dream last night…full detail…no joke…it was crazy…good thing I have today off to write…right when I woke up I wrote this (17, April 2013 8:07 am):

“I went to visit my mom’s friend with her. She lived in a duplex. An old one but it was a beautiful antique house and the neighborhood was filled with these beautiful old little houses. When I looked out the front something was very reminiscent of it. For some reason I felt like I had been there before. I thought it was my good friend Erica’s house for some reason down the street…but when I looked back at the house again it wasn’t. The neighborhood had changed. The houses were even smaller. My mom’s friend’s house had little in it…almost empty. My grandma even came with me & my mom to visit her friend. The funny thing is is that I know my mom’s friend doesn’t have a daughter, but in my dream she did…and my grandma passed away a few years ago, but in my dream I didn’t even think of it. The daughter was exactly the same age as me, but she was different than me. Some call me a goody-goody straightedge…but the daughter? She wasn’t. I could tell she was high on drugs. She was wearing this white tank top that only covered her underwear slightly. I thought to myself…”I would have never thought she would have such a daughter like her…” She’s such a sweet church going lady & her daughter didn’t seem anything like that. Her mom introduced me to her & told us to run along & play as if we were some little kids. So I went next door with her. She said it was her good friends that lived next door. They were her business partners too. When we went next door it was a group of beautiful girls. Almost all of them looked & dressed like they just came off a Victoria’s Secret Runway…but there was something different about them. They weren’t as feminine…well they were super feminine looking but they didn’t seem as frail or vulnerable like some models may come off. They were discussing something, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what they were talking about. Something about their boss. I wondered if they were prostitutes or something. That’s what it came off as and then I thought, “How the hell do I get outta here.” Anyhow… they were drinking, smoking and enjoying each others company. It was weird because they were so nice to me. It was like we had been friends for a long time. I don’t know. All of a sudden the girls were dressed in black. Almost military uniform…but a feminine attractive military style. I felt so awkward. I was dressed in black already because that’s what I usually wear but I had a Harley Davidson eagle top on. There’s was all solid black, but to me I felt like I almost fit in unintentionally. They told me their boss was coming to visit and that he was looking to hire someone but before I even had the chance to ask what the job was or where it was a loud SUV drove up. One of the girls peeked out the window & said he was here. They opened the door and one ran down the front porch steps and gave him a big hug & kiss. I wondered, “Is that her boyfriend?” Some girls were on the porch & some were looking out the door from inside. I shyly looked from behind the girls inside. He came with an entourage. There was a few of them, but two that I distinctly remember was my real life boyfriend PB & The Walking Dead’s Norman Reedus. Oh I forgot to tell you…the funny thing was that their boss was Quentin Tarantino. Then it hit me…I wasn’t really living all this…I was re-enacting a movie with these people. For some reason in my dream I thought we were just playing out a film and I somehow ended up playing one of the characters. At times in my dream I would ask myself, “Is this really happening??? Or are we playing out a movie?” I could never pinpoint which was which in my dream so I just went along with it. I mean in a dream you kinda just have to. They funny thing is is that I felt sometimes that it had to be real because these feelings I would get was felt to the heart and felt as if I was really experiencing that emotion at exactly that time and it was even stranger when I’d be communicating with characters I would be in my body communicating with them and then there were times when I would watch myself doing something. It was always from behind though. I never saw my face. So weird. Anyhow…the first girl that ran up to him to hug & kiss him I thought might’ve been his girlfriend because they hugged & kissed so passionately, but then… he hugged & kissed every girl passionately. I was so afraid that he was gonna try & do the same thing with me. I was confused. I mean I do have a boyfriend you know. I thought to myself, “Maybe it’s a foreign thing.” I couldn’t figure it out. When he got to the last girl who was in front of me he got to me and almost kissed me but realized he didn’t know me. “Bernadette right? You must be the girl I heard about.” “Good things I hope,” I said. So cliche…but it was a movie we were recreating so in my head it must’ve just been part of the dialogue. Quentin Tarantino playing pretend with me. I was stoked. He then kissed me on each check before taking both of my hands to kiss. Then we all sat around. Tarantino then said, “I hear you’re looking for a job.” I told him, “Not really, but yeah I guess.” He seemed to be irritated with my answer and with no hesitation I said, “Yeah of course.” Then I was hired. I never heard what the job was, but for some odd reason I thought we were like in some mafioso and that Tarantino was the mafia boss. It was crazy though. The girls had all these cool practice areas in there backyard almost like in ‘The Hunger Games.’ A bow & arrow area, one with nunchucks, ninja stars, swords, guns…it was crazy. We practiced & trained and I felt like I was just a natural at it. Or was able to pretend very well. It must’ve been just a jump because dreams do that…but it was as if I was part of their team for awhile…the weird thing is is that this dream played out like a movie…most jump from one place after another after another, but this one…just played out. Tarantino then asked me and another girl to get into his black SUV. In my dream for some reason PB & Norman Reedus played Tarantino’s cousins. I don’t know why, but in my dream they were part of his entourage and related to him. Then we got to a gas station and there was someone on a motorcycle pumping gas. Norman Reedus got out and said, “I’ll be right back…gonna grab that motorcycle.” Then me & PB said to each other, “So that’s how he ends up with a motorcycle on The Walking Dead.” We then drove out to this secluded ranch/barn. We got out and then Tarantino told me & the other girl that he had to make a decision as to which of the two of us were going to die because that’s how his business worked. All of a sudden the other girl turned into the girl from ‘Kickass’ Chloe Grace Moretz. I don’t know why I was braiding her hair, but I ended up braiding her hair like the wife from ‘Vikings.’ Like how she wears her hair before she goes into battle. Then Tarantino kept pointing back & forth at me & Chloe Grace Moretz saying, “Who’s gonna die. You or you? You or you? You or…” and then pointed at me. Then Chloe ran to this weird tomb and started to dig at it…then this lady started to get out of the dirt…it was Shelly Long from ‘Cheers.’ Shelly Long just looked at me with all the dirt on her; dressed in an old blue prairie dress and said to me, “Run!” Tarantino then came at me with an oldschool meat tenderizer. Trying to hit me and all of a sudden a meat tenderizer and metal bucket appeared in my hands. I kept blocking his hits while three random guys from his entourage was trying to grab me too. I fought hard and then fell. I then got back up and threw the meat tenderizer & bucket at Tarantino and started running. I ran across an open field and found a neighborhood. I ran & jumped over all these roofs, fences and brick walls. Back & forth, back & forth did I see me run and then see it again in first person. Third person then first person…back & forth. I ended up on this huge open parking lot and when I looked back I saw Tarantino and a huge group chasing after me. Then for a moment I thought to myself, “This is the part of the movie when an axe is thrown at my character and kills me by going through my back.” I looked back again in third person and I saw next to Tarantino was this intimidating girl who was running with an axe. She threw it and I saw myself in third person now all of a sudden dressed in white fall to the ground. I realized it didn’t go through my back and that I had a chance in surviving. I was back in first person. It only scratched the top of my shoulder. I continued to run and found a RV…like those tour bus kind. I got in it and for some reason I knew it was the girl whose position I filled…she said she didn’t die and that I could trust her and her new boss was Robert Rodriguez. Funny? Ironic? Yeah I thought so too. She said tomorrow morning that they were gonna go after Tarantino and his entourage. I told her I would join and she told me I had to pick a pair of shoes to wear. There were boxes of shoes. Mostly kids sizes. Then I found a pair a really cool black with green trimmed pair of Doc Martens. I wanted to wear those, but she said that she was wearing those and that I had so many other ones to choose from…then I woke up…closed my eyes again…and was right back where I left off in my dream. I forcibly opened my eyes to wake up because I realized that I was dreaming and that it wasn’t a movie. I told myself, “I should wake up now and write this before I forget.” So I did…and this is what I wrote. Dreams can be so weird sometimes. Where the fuck do dreams come from? And why the fuck does it feel so real…took me a second to realize it wasn’t a movie…just a dream.”

Dreams are so strange. You believe it’s real in your dream then you wake up wondering where the heck did that thing come from…I’ve had many strange dreams…like my Freddy Kreuger one I wrote an earlier blog about. See…I’ve been dreaming so vividly since I was a kid. Maybe that’s why I’m a writer. Who knows.


Individuals born on the cusp of Leo (the fifth Sign of the Zodiac) and Virgo (the sixth Sign of the Zodiac) are ruled by both the Sun and the Planet Mercury. Moving past the exploration of the world and the need to nurture of the first four Signs, Leo’s great need is to create
The attributes of these two combined Signs result in a good-natured disposition and natives who are inclined to take life easy, being well-satisfied with both themselves and their station in life.
Leo is ruled by the Sun. Virgo is ruled by the Planet Mercury. In ancient Roman mythology, Mercury (and his Greek equivalent, Hermes) was the messenger god. He was a quick, nervous type, known for his strong reasoning and capacity for analyzing. Communication was his province. As a Planet, Mercury is androgynous. In ancient times, the Sun was believed to be the centre of the Universe, the core of existence, the Father. Leo/Virgo Cusps are gregarious, social and fun-loving, and live life with enthusiasm.
These cuspians make for good neighbors who would never dream of meddling in the affairs of others. Usually highly intelligent, Leo/Virgo subjects are methodical and inclined to be hard-workers. Indeed, this particular cusp combination has produced some exceedingly successful physicians and teachers.The Leo/Virgo cusp combination, also known as the Cusp of Exposure, corresponds symbolically to the period of human life at around the age of thirty-five.
Here, there is an interesting blend of the introvert and the extrovert…a mix of the practical and earthy qualities afforded by Virgo coupled with the more intuitive and fiery traits of Leo.
The end result is often a quietly inspired individual who keeps his or her light within. Some of these cuspians emit a muted or even nondescript first impression which often conceals a far more flamboyant tendency. Others come across as exhibitionists, but are really sensitive and private individuals. There is a tendency here to hide certain personal qualities or facts…possibly for years. Nevertheless, the inner flamboyance is apt to emerge periodically in even the most introverted of these cuspians and during such occasions, they will reveal themselves to the world, totally aware of what they are doing. Many Leo/Virgo natives eventually come to realize that self-concealment is futile since the more they attempt to hide, the more those around them appear to be taking notice of what they are are (or are not) doing. By aiming to be more transparent and allowing others to see what they truly are instead of going into hiding, these cuspians may well be able to even out their swings between introverted and extroverted behavior.

Leo/Virgo natives born into unremarkable surroundings…or at the bottom of the social ladder…can sometimes be late starters in the struggle to move up in the world. Even when such ascension is initiated, it is only through tremendous tenacity and willpower that they can maintain momentum. Indeed, it is not unusual for these cuspians to succumb to their worst fear…a life of boredom and mediocrity.
The belief of Leo/Virgo subjects in themselves is frequently inversely proportionate to the belief of the world in general regarding these individuals.

In short, as soon as they begin to gain self-confidence, it seems as though others begin to take less notice of them and while applause is not crucial to these cuspians, they do possess a burning sense of their own worth no matter how quiet or self-contained they may be.
It is characteristic of these individuals not to reveal the truth about themselves or make grand displays of their real inner feelings until they attain their goals, whether such goals be social or professional. Indeed, it may well be that this desire to divulge can be the fuel which powers the drive toward a goal, since those who reach the top and have carried lifelong secrets are prone to be found out…and usually through their own statements and behavior.

To some, this tendency is perceived as a peculiar blend of narcissism and masochism…a strange mixture of self-indulgence and punishment. In truth, these natives are a rather curious blend of intoverted and extroverted tendencies…modesty coupled with flamboyance, for example…and a capacity to see both the large and small picture in almost every situation. Thus, they are often outstanding observers and judges of character.They  know how to watch in silence without drawing attention to themselves.
In addition, they frequently excel at recording their impressions in thought or word and then expressing them at a later date after long periods of rethinking. Associates and co-workers are likely to depend upon the judgment, objectivity and brilliant memory of these natives and when they are able to achieve emotional stability, Leo/Virgo subjects can be the most dependable and reliable of friends.

It should be noted that there is a danger here for Leo/Virgo cuspians to alternately use concealment and revelation as a weapon or ploy to get their own way and they need to realize the childishness and non-productivity of such games. The solution to this often comes when they meet just one person…or a very few…who are willing to accept them exactly as they are. Thus, through acceptance, love and trust, these cuspians can eliminate the need to play “hide-and-seek.” Unfortunately, emotional immaturity is apt to plague Leo/Virgo natives until they fully accept the challenges associated with attaining adulthood. Subjects of this cusp combination are never altogether happy or content with less than the very best and finest of furnishings for their homes and this love of nice things is also likely to extend to their choice of wearing apparel. In short, these natives are extremely fond of elaborate displays in dressing and, at times, may well carry this fondness to undesirable extremes.

Leo/Virgo cuspians possess the vitality and ambition to be successful in their endeavors and are industrious and efficient when working for a good cause. In addition, they are practical, logical and immensely creative. They are also gregarious and social, being fun-loving souls who live life with much enthusiasm. The natural leadership found in many of these subjects, coupled with their administrative prowess, helps to ensure that any project undertaken will be successful. These are people who are very good at understanding the deeper meaning of what others say. They rely on logic rather than emotion in making decisions and are reliable and diligent individuals. However, they can sometimes appear “picky” or overly critical toward those who are not as discriminating. Being decisive and direct, the Leo/Virgo cuspian is optimistic regarding personal successes. They do have a tendency to exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling blocks, but are generally positive people with an inherent pride and streak of stubborness which keeps them from giving up. These individuals have the ability to analyze and then take appropriate action. They are selective and discriminating, but are constantly quickly moving. The personality of these cuspians is warm-hearted and outgoing. They are cheerful, self-assured, studious and sensible in business dealings. It should also be noted that the female Leo/Virgo native in particular is likely to be easily convinced by arguments set forth in a plausible and persuasive manner.

In this combination, the exuberance afforded by the Sun (planetary ruler of Leo) combines with the quickness that Mercury (planetary ruler of Virgo) applies to the analytical ability of the Virgo make-up. The result is an individual blessed with an intuitive nature wherein the Sun brings out the favorable aspect of Mercury, while the inherent Virgo harmony counteracts the chief weakness of Leo natives…indolence. Here, the Virgo curiosity is tempered by the sympathy of Leo, making for individuals who are open and above-board in their dealings. However, these cuspians can suffer through their own self-importance. The more the good points of these subjects, then the quicker they are to recognize such through their ability for self-analysis. Thus, the egotism of the Leo/Virgo native is apt to swell proportionately and the fact that such is justified only makes it worse for them if it rouses the animosity and jealousy of others.
Leo/Virgo cuspians tend to be good actors, writers and lawyers, but less likely to excel in the field of medicine (a traditionally favorable Leo career) due to the over-sympathy of their highly imaginative minds. However, these individuals will meet with success in the business world and possess great executive prospects since they are sufficiently forceful to command interest and respect. In short, they apply a methodical attention to detail and adhere to a practical and well-organized routine.

Leo/Virgo cuspians are good organizers and tend to be quite popular people who are even inspiring at times. The closer an individual is to the Leo side of this cusp, then the more basic will be the Leo traits, with the influence of Virgo turning such traits toward a practical application not usually found in the basic Leo nature. However, as this cusp moves toward the Virgo side, the inherent Virgo characteristics rapidly takes over, although good nature will persist and produce willing workers.

Although skeptical of extravagent claims and promises, some Leo/Virgo subjects are prone to fall victim to gambling and may well be brash and extravagant at the gaming table. They also tend to be rather health-conscious and may be quite concerned with diet and hygiene. However, this interest in health usually ensures that these cuspians take good care of their mental and physical selves. In their leisure time, Leo/Virgo individuals prefer to play in groups rather than going solo. It is less important to them that the exercise be interesting, so long as it is effective and social, and their perfectionism coupled with physical strength will make these cuspians strive to excel in whatever sport they choose. Within this cusp combination is found the passion and fire of Leo absorbed by the earthiness of Virgo and thus, turned to generative uses. These subjects are in great sympathy with nature. In short, they are “children of the soil” and adore the sun and fresh air. These are cuspians who are at their best mentally and physically when they can live an outdoor life. They are fond of outdoor exercise and outdoor pleasures, finding considerable enjoyment in the care of lawns, plants and gardens, etc. In terms of ailments, Leo/Virgo cuspians are most susceptible to disorders of the stomach and circulatory system. With regard to relationships, Leo/Virgo cuspians are devoted but can, on occasion, be rather jealous souls. However, they are not particularly flirtatious.

The greatest strength of Leo/Virgo cuspians is probably to be found in their creativity, attention to detail and inherent desire to be of service. They will pick up on the “little things” that others most likely miss, and thoughtful gifts or unique solutions to problems are second nature to those who fall under the influence of this cusp combination. In addition, the committment of these natives to help others makes them one of the most giving characters to be found in the Zodiac.

The most important lesson to be learned by Leo/Virgo natives is to curb the desire for display and smug self-satisfaction. As with all cusp individuals, these cuspians tend to be attracted to others born on the cusp…particularly those who fall within the Pisces/Aries and Taurus/Gemini combinations.

How Leo and Virgo energy work together: Leo’s flair for drama and Virgo’s down to earth practicality don’t always mix well. These cuspers need to be careful of living a life of extremes — either bold and loud or silent and secretive. But if they can strike a balance between their extroverted and introverted sides, they will master the rare ability to know exactly when to speak up and when to remain silent.

What they love: Getting behind a good cause. Leo is a loving and natural born leader, while Virgo is hardworking, detail oriented and devoted to helping others. Together this is a persuasive cusp combination that is happiest when rallying a group of people in support of a great cause. And know this: They will succeed!

What they need: Intimacy. It won’t come easy for these cuspers, who value secrets and privacy above all else, but they really need to have people in their lives who know them well and love them for exactly who they are.
Advice: Leo-Virgo cuspers must learn to share more of themselves with others, which will in turn help them get in better touch with their own feelings and emotions.

Famous people born on the Leo-Virgo cusp: Coco Chanel, Matthew Perry, Bill Clinton, John Stamos, Gene Roddenberry, Robert Plant, Fred Durst, Connie Chung, Kenny Rogers, Wilt Chamberlain, Kim Cattrall, Ray Bradbury, John Lee Hooker, Tori Amos, Barbara Eden, Gene Kelly, River Phoenix, Shelley Long, Kobe Bryant, Marlee Matlin, Dave Chappelle, Leonard Bernstein, Sean Connery, Gene Simmons, Elvis Costello, Billy Ray Cyrus, Claudia Schiffer.

— Possess the fiery, energetic and aggresive traits inherent in Leo —
— Possess the rational and meticulous traits inherent in Virgo —
— Tend to be highly secretive —
— Able to accurately determine the right time to do something —
— Experts at the art of effect —
— Less overtly sensual than most individuals —

Hippie Punks, Maturity, The Immature & Casper

I haven’t had a chance to blah’g… so… this is an old thought… but it’s a goodie…

I was a zombie hippie punk who was killed at Altamont in 1969 for Halloween-2010

Studies have shown that by the age of 2 your personality will remain the same for the rest of your life. I believe that to be true. I think that people experience things in life & have life lessons, but maturity only comes to those who strive to mature & those who have a passion for ethics & morals. You could know an 8 year old with an old wise soul… then again you could know a 50 year old with an immature kinda-knows-some-stuff soul. Everyday we breath is another day to do good, be good & feel good. Happiness differs for all but for those who strive for peace, love & harmony happiness comes from the heart… happiness is their way of life. Happiness is everyone’s way of life in a sense, but sometimes people are living in such a fast-paced life they forget the true essence of life. The answer??? Who knows. No one. I believe people can be hippie-punks. My friends of both spectrums say that hippie-punks can’t exist, but why not?! If I love to love & love peace & caring & sharing with others just like a hippie, yet continue to find a balance in anarchy, independence, anti-conformity, being satisfied with who you are & not trying to please others who want you to be a certain way & saying “who gives a fuck what people say or think of me” just like punk rock why can’t I be both? There’s a time in life when you realize who you are… but sometimes that doesn’t happen until death… but even then who knows. It’s not like I’ve talk to Casper to really know the real deal.

…so when someone tries to categorize you… just remember… who gives a flying fuck… you are you and that’s all you can do… i love you all the same… even if you stink or not… hey… showers might not be your thing… you might be a hippie, i get it… hahaha… jokes.

How Do You Feel

I can’t change you You can’t change me

So can’t we agree To disagree

Cuz what’s the point Why the hate

When you do you And I’ll do the same

Cuz we’re different Yet so alike

We each individual We each have likes

So hard to think So hard to show

What people feel What people know

So there’s no point For all that worry

Cuz life moves fast So stop the hurry

To hate or pick To be so mean

When colors the same All green is green

So what I’m sayin Is lets each live life

Less negativity More room for nice


So I’ve decided to start an “About Me…kinda.” category on this blog. It’s not really about me, but in a sense it is. Things happen in life. We experience so many types of situations & circumstances that it becomes a part of our reflection in how we move forward in life. We either grow as a person or we push the heart away and become a bit more close minded. When new experiences become similar experiences as from the past… we understand how to handle the situation by reflecting on prior reactions chosen and understanding what the consequences had become of.

I come across so many different quotes and ‘sayings’ that I find many that remind me of how I feel and how I would like to be. This category will be a place for me not only to reflect on my life, but how I’ve grown as a person… or it gives me a place to put my philosophical thoughts out on this live journal of mine because bottling up too many deep thoughts can cause way too much thinking therefore making me feel like a complete stressball. Yes I said stressball… although goofball works for me as well.

I came across this saying, “You can’t change the way people feel about you so don’t try. Just live your life and be happy.” It used to bother me when I felt like certain people didn’t like me. I would think to myself, “Why don’t they like me?… What did I do wrong?!… Did I say something stupid?… Did I say something offensive?… I was trying to be friendly and nice… Did I come off stand offish?… Was I rude without even knowing it?… What’s wrong with me?… Could they tell I suffer from BDD?… I hope not.”… I would stress for days and try & dissect the action. I confer to myself the circumstances and come up with a hypothetical question in hopes of finding a philosophical answer… or more like finding an ethical answer. My saying has been and will always be, “I give people 3 chances (varying whether or not I’m shy or having a BDD moment)… I’m nice the first 3 times I encounter a person even if they’re rude or disrespectful… if they continue being unfriendly then I won’t befriend them. I won’t be mean. I won’t be blasphemous. I will just go on living my life, while they continue living theirs.” That’s just the way it is. I still feel strongly about that. It’s not that I become their enemy. I just continue being a stranger to them and that’s okay with me because they become a stranger as well. I conscientiously then decide whether or not those people are people I want to associate myself with. Energy exist & if they want to be Negative Nancy’s so be it… but I’m gonna still be a Positive Pepe (yes I just made that up ‘cuz I don’t know what the opposite of a Negative Nancy would be… if you do… please email it to me…). We may know the same people. We may work together. We may socialize at the same place. We may ironically be in the same vicinity. We may pass one another in life, but I try to stay far away from negativity to create a more positive & happy outlook on life moving forward. It won’t stop me from doing or going to the places I love because love is so much more fun than hate.

Hate is such a strong word that I rarely use. I don’t like using it at all, but if I somehow end up watching “Bad Girls Club” (unfortunately one of my guilty pleasures that I every so often may watch) the word accidentally is blurted out. When I realize it, I try hard to not think so negatively (but when you’re watching that dirty/immoral show sometimes you can’t help it). I’d rather say dislike when there are things that I may not agree with or that contradicts my beliefs. That’s just me.

Still there are emotions & thoughts we cannot just suddenly erase from our mindset. Just as there are unexpected cogitations, we can only abate it after it occurs. We can’t stop it if we don’t even know when, where or how it arises. There are people I cannot seem to pinpoint their perspectives/feelings toward me. I don’t know why the curiosity is difficult to break… or why I even care so much. For instance, I’ve known “this person” for almost a decade already. We started out as friends then our lives started to move in different paths. Although we encounter each other often, it seems things have changed. When it happened… I’m not quite sure. I wonder if it’s because “they’ve” become more successful, while I’m still trying to find myself. I create a hypothetical question: “Is it because *they’ve* become more popular… more lucrative… more socially active than I? If I was more wealthy, attractive, famous, prominent in a ‘scene’ would *they* have still been my friend?!” I then continue to endure in the reasoning. I don’t know why I try so hard to please others if they don’t want to be pleasant. I’m not one to be in competition with others (excluding Seinfeld Trivia & backyard boxing… but hey… that’s just a love for my hobbies… although I lose sometimes we can’t always be the winner and still I stay in high spirits). Really though, I’m not competitive nor do I like to make comparisons with other people. When I see anyone I know (or don’t know) reach a goal or succeed in some way… I get stoked. I’m so happy when I hear that people are doing great things in their lives because to me, it’s all love. Even if I’m still stuck at dead end jobs, still not completely independent, ending up in circles when it comes to my career and still driving a “hoopty ride” I don’t care. To see others happy is what makes me happy. Even if I’m sad, I’d rather pretend to be happy than see another person become sad with me… but that’s just me. Yet still that hypothetical question crosses my mind when whereabouts form akin happenings. Admitting a factual answer can be difficult. Who knows the honest answer??? Not I. I guess all I could do is move past all the contemplations and keep moving forward towards my goals. I will persevere in my passions and whether I “make it” or not… it doesn’t matter. All the matters is that I stay surrounded by those that agree that life is a blessing and that’s all there is to it. I’ll continue to love and keep on smiling. I love to laugh because laughing is the best medicine. I laugh & think adequately to know that real success is not about fame or fortune… it’s about finding the truth about what our lives should truly be filled with… and that is happiness, love & just living life the way it’s meant to be lived.

I love everything, especially people. I love people I know. I love people I admire. I love people that entertain me. I love people that are different. I love people that I don’t even know. I love meeting new people. I love people that I’ve met. Yet I know there are sometimes discrepancies. People I may love may not like me back… but to me that’s okay. If you don’t like me, but I like you then there’s no drama or negative energy coming from my side. It is what it is. Just like the saying, “You can’t change the way people feel about you so don’t try. Just live your life and be happy.” I’m still living my life. I’m happy… and that’s all there is to it. No anguish. No hate. No regrets… and definitely no more trying… unless its towards my goals, passions and those that I love that love/like me back.

See… these two get along… can’t we all?!

P.S. I haven’t really stressed in over a year! Woohoo!!! One goal down… 3,333,333,333 more to go! hahahaha…