We wonder. We think. We feel. Yet we don’t know the answer or the truth as to what our mind consists of. Yeah surely science has its facts and philosophers have their theories, but in all reality where is the mind? Where is your mind? Where is my mind?
The conscious in our waking lives uses the mind to function in daily routine. Get up. Do stuff. Eat. Work. Make the day good. Hope it is of use. In addition, we have control and the power to use our minds for purpose & reasoning behind why we get up, do stuff, eat, work, make the day good and hope it is of use. Our minds on Earth seek (or not) to be of use to our individual selves and (to some) our culture & society. Where is the mind in waking lives?! Here in this universe, on this planet, for some extent.
Now the unconscious in sleep/dream state, or other, uses the mind without approval of its keeper. The mind (for most) has no control of how it will function yet continues to mobilize. It dreams of people, places and situations that might be similar as to those times in our waking lives, but at the same time can be of places, people and situations that are unknown in our awakened realities that we may have never even encountered. Sometimes we dream of things that we know of and other times we dream of things we’ve never encountered. And in those moments I wonder, where is my mind? Did it travel to places and times beyond what is known?!
Those are the infinite places that I always get lost. When I’m dreaming I don’t think too much of it and it seems too close to reality, yet when I wake up, I am bewildered. In reality I can get lost too. I try to find a map as to what direction I need to go to get from Point A to Point B, but then again, I wonder where I’m even trying to go. Where is my destiny? Where can I find reality? Where shall my imagination take me? Where does my passion for writing come from? Where does the heart seek happiness? Where lies the truth? Where can I organize my feelings? Where shall I be content? Where is my mind?
With all the questions I come to only one answer. Fuck it. Who cares. I love my mind…where ever it is.
Lucky her. She never was wrong. Or that’s what she thought. She was the president of her senior class. She did everything. She was on the volleyball team. She ran a few of the extra curricular programs which included “Future Successors of America.” She had it all and she wanted it all. She had no worries. Was it academics that saved her? A fundamental way of thinking so self-righteous about herself? Is that the key to success? To have no cares what others think. To poke fun at the potheads just because she said they were stupid even though two of the stoners were in her Calculus AP class AND one of them had a higher percentage than her. To do what she wanted when she wanted with whoever she wanted. To be hallway/campus monitor and narc on classmates even though there was no such position given to any student. Then hypocritically write a fake excuse letter so that she could have sex with her English teacher just so that she can change her ‘A’ to an ‘A+’. To not take criticism from others, yet criticize others by complaining about how everyone else from her class was stupid and she was smart because she didn’t smoke, drink or have fun outside of academics.
…there is a fine line…
After she graduated from school, things changed. She wasn’t at all changed. Though her surroundings did profusely. There were no classmates to snitch on. There were no teachers or principals to bring an apple to on the daily. There was no English teacher to fuck because he was married and after she graduated he didn’t care for her any longer. There was no student council to domineer. Things changed. A lot.
…where did it all go wrong???
It didn’t go wrong. It was part of the life process that happens to everyone. She didn’t know that. She didn’t know that in college some students would be smarter. She didn’t think that some of her college professors would not acknowledge her apple. She didn’t think that she would be unable to take all the classes she wanted each semester because classes filled fast and that there was a specific date & time for each student to register for classes. She didn’t have first priority. That surprised her. There were no students to feel superior over. There were no teachers to kiss ass to. Nothing.
Lucky him. He never got made fun of. He was popular on campus. He had no worries. No struggles to feel accepted. Was it confidence that saved him? A fundamental way of thinking so self-righteous about himself? Is that the key to success? To have no cares what others think. To poke fun at his teacher with Parkinson’s just to prove that he was Mr. Tough Guy. To do what he wanted when he wanted with whoever he wanted. To ditch school to drink beer and do nothing else but drink beer for no apparent reason. Then drive recklessly like an idiot under the influence. To not take criticism from others. To bully & ridicule the nerds for a laugh and then beat some of them up for their lunch money even though he was rich.
…there is a fine line…
After he graduated from school, things changed. He was somehow different. Not at first. His personality remained the same for the time being, but his atmosphere changed in a whole way. There was no popular table. There were no cheerleaders to flirt with during lunch. There was no prom to be the king of. Things changed. A lot.
…where did it all go wrong???
It didn’t go wrong. It was part of the life process that happens to everyone. He didn’t know that. He didn’t know that he & his friends would grow apart. That there would be new people he would encounter. That was a surprise to him. He didn’t know that dating would be so difficult. Girls no longer flocked to him. No one offered him gifts. Shoulder rubs. An extra ticket to a local concert. Nothing.
I haven’t had a chance to blah’g… so… this is an old thought… but it’s a goodie…
Studies have shown that by the age of 2 your personality will remain the same for the rest of your life. I believe that to be true. I think that people experience things in life & have life lessons, but maturity only comes to those who strive to mature & those who have a passion for ethics & morals. You could know an 8 year old with an old wise soul… then again you could know a 50 year old with an immature kinda-knows-some-stuff soul. Everyday we breath is another day to do good, be good & feel good. Happiness differs for all but for those who strive for peace, love & harmony happiness comes from the heart… happiness is their way of life. Happiness is everyone’s way of life in a sense, but sometimes people are living in such a fast-paced life they forget the true essence of life. The answer??? Who knows. No one. I believe people can be hippie-punks. My friends of both spectrums say that hippie-punks can’t exist, but why not?! If I love to love & love peace & caring & sharing with others just like a hippie, yet continue to find a balance in anarchy, independence, anti-conformity, being satisfied with who you are & not trying to please others who want you to be a certain way & saying “who gives a fuck what people say or think of me” just like punk rock why can’t I be both? There’s a time in life when you realize who you are… but sometimes that doesn’t happen until death… but even then who knows. It’s not like I’ve talk to Casper to really know the real deal.
…so when someone tries to categorize you… just remember… who gives a flying fuck…you are you and that’s all you can do… i love you all the same… even if you stink or not… hey… showers might not be your thing… you might be a hippie, i get it… hahaha… jokes.
I’m writing to you because I’m like your biggest fan. You’re like so cool! Everyone knows you. You’re like sooo popular. They even talk about you in songs it’s like so unreal. And not just like one type of style of songs, you’re like in ALL types of songs: hip hop, punk, metal, country, rock & roll, ska, folk, r & b, garage rock… I mean like EVERYONE mentions you in the music scene. I totally like music just to let you know. Not sure which one I like the most, but whatever you think is cool I probably would think is cool too. I can’t remember which bands I like, but when I check Twitter to see who everyone’s talking about in music I’ll let you know. I think we should totally hang out. We could be like friends ya know. Anyhow, yeah you’re really awesome. You’re like everywhere! Not just in music too. You’re like in fashion, art and even in movies they make fun of you. Not like in a mean way duh. They just sometimes have actors play you and it’s kinda funny. In like a cool way though. It’s really ill dude. I mean you’re so cool that people talk about you and you’re not like even around. Oh my gosh I forgot to tell you, even my friends have your name tattooed on them. It’s so tight man. And you know tattoos are like permanent right? I was thinking about getting your name tattooed. Or maybe I can get a portrait of you tatted on me. Not sure yet. I’m afraid of needles and other stuff like reality, sincerity, honesty, modesty, ethics & morals and being unpopular…but duh aren’t we like all kinda scurrred. Scurrred means scared. I heard it used by like Lil Weezy or something. Do you know Lil Wayne?! That’d be so cool if you did cuz he’s like so popular too. Yeah but anyways, I think we should really hangout cuz I mean if I were seen with you, people would think I was the coolest…or atleast that’s what I’d hope for. We would totally get along too in my opinion. I don’t know too much about you, but what I do know is that EVERYONE nowadays thinks your cool. That guy from that band ODDFUTURE, FuckTyler or something, he totally loves you too. He talks about you so much and draws your name everywhere. It’s like the coolest. So anyways… I hope to hear from you.
I feel proud tonight. Proud about nothing really. I didn’t do too much today, but I had a great productive day full of doing nothing. I do nothing awesomely in fact. I did nothing with my girl cousins all day. We did nothing but dye each others’ hair, order take-out, watch the Lakers vs. Knicks game, laughed, had a few other family & friends over, showed those that hadn’t seen the contest I entered for nothing and spent some quality time talking about nothing with my mom. It was nothing more but a day of doing nothing. I’m fine with doing nothing. To me, everything starts out at first as nothing. First comes nothing, then comes something. That’s just the way it goes. Nothing you can do about it. Nothing else happened today/tonight. I stayed home reading notes about nothing, stories about nothing, articles about nothing but having to do with a little something. Sometimes something is just a whole lot of nothing. Nothing but the truth I tell ya. Anyhow, I like writing about nothing. And since I had nothing else to do, I thought I’d write about the about things I think about. I guess you can see there is nothing to really talk about. Oh well. I guess it’s worth something. I’M NOTHING BUT A WRITER ASPIRING TO WRITE MORE ABOUT THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE… BUT IN TRUTH, IT’S NOTHING YOU SEE…
I know this may come as a surprise, but I think we need some time apart. It’s not you, it’s me, I promise. It’s been so long that I’ve thought about doing this. I don’t want to break-up forever, I just think we need some distance from one another. You’ve always been there for me through thick & thin. You give me strength & confidence. You are my comfort zone. Without you I don’t know if I could survive this outside world. You complete me, yet at the same time, you distract me. I forget about my priorities when I’m with you. I lose track of my aspirations. I spend so much wasted time on being with you that I never get things done. Love of mine, I’m sorry, but I need to get things done this year. It’s been a long time coming, but now is the right time for us to go our separate ways. At least for the mean time. There’s so many girls in the world that love & adore you so don’t miss me or think about me, I know you’ll be in good hands. There are even men out there that want to be yours forever. I WANT TO BE YOURS FOREVER. I just don’t have the money, patience, effort nor time to spend with you. The time now just isn’t quite right. I want you to know that I will always love you & that forever you will always have a piece of my heart. I know this may come as a surprise, but it’s just been so hard to let you know the truth. When I see you all I want to do is be with you. We’ve had so much fun together: walking the streets of Hollywood, dancing & prancing to some good tunes, watching a movie, lying in bed, strolling on the beach… It’s been quite a thrill. You’ve known me since childhood. My grandma would always tell me how much we loved each other. She told me when I was already 2 years old that me & you had fallen in love. She said you’d make me smile when I was with you and that if you weren’t around that I would cry for you. Well I guess this is goodbye. I know that I’ll see you again and one day I’ll be back in your arms. Fashion, just know that I will always love you.